The Good Intending Evildoer

It is the most impossible

of earthly choices -

the final blow that tips one over

to the deepest dark of the  abyss.

The only debts alas

we aren’t supposed to pay back

is to go back

and to repay our sins into the past.

The past - the place where

only shadows now reside 

and where all the roads are always

paved with our good intents.

And even if we could

(somehow) go back -  

the meager past is obdurate;

a turtle’s shell protecting gentle-fleshed, unhampered future.  

So, I go back –

where only I am now allowed –

into my dreams of the another life –

the past.

An then I meet – again,

and then again,

and then again –  

the same – the omnipresent Stranger.

And then again as in a loop –

I hear these illustrious words -

“…there’s always price to pay

for what we want the most”

Then pushes me once more,

with smile. And then gain I’m flaying

down  into the abyss. Until tomorrow.